If you had asked me if I would be able to sit through a movie about a man whose penis was the property of the government, I would have said "hell no!" so quickly your head would spin.
I made it through though, and I feel as if i deserve a badge, or a medal or something, for not turning it off before it was finished.
Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988) is a movie about post nuclear war america. The plot goes something like this... In the ten years post nuke, most of the population is sterile, and a large percentage of the men on earth were killed in the war itself. This makes fertile men REALLY important to the new, female run, government. In addition to all the death and sterilization, there are radiation created mutants... frog mutants... who live on reservations and drink green beer.
Into the mix they throw wrestling legend "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, sans the "Rowdy", as Sam Hell (yeah... really.), one of the last fertile men on the planet. They strap this contraption, kind of a government issued chastity belt, on over his junk, and charge him with spreading his seed far and wide, to help repopulate the country.
The catch is that his handler, Spangler, has control over his contraption, and can shock him or arm the plastique explosive that is in the belt, blowing his bits to...erm... bits at any time.
ouch!
Their first stop ends up being a mutant reservation called Frogtown, where a group of mutants, led by a dude named Toaty who has captured a group of fertile females.
It all goes downhill from there.
Now I can't really harp too much on production values, as the special effects, such as they are, are pretty well done. I mean, as silly of an idea as mutant frogs may be, the prosthetics are really good. They talk, blink their froggy eyes, and generally go around being entertaining.
It all goes downhill from there.
Now I can't really harp too much on production values, as the special effects, such as they are, are pretty well done. I mean, as silly of an idea as mutant frogs may be, the prosthetics are really good. They talk, blink their froggy eyes, and generally go around being entertaining.
She is HOT!
He looks backed up, honestly.
If I can't pick on them, then I have to turn to another aspect of the movie that makes it so horrible.
Oh! The plot!
Ignoring the fact that nuclear war would most likely result in total ahnihilation, it is effective as a prod for a story. And I might have been inclined to believe that it would cause mutations, even of the frog variety, but I have a hard time swallowing the fact that people were just turned into these frog monsters. And that the aformentioned frog mutants would congregate in what looks like an old smelting factory. And that the previously alluded to frog creatures would develop an old west style society, with a dash of eastern mistique thrown in (the harem of fertile women) for flavor.
Whatever
Poor Roddy Piper. I wonder if he read the script before he signed up for the film. I mean, who pitched this to him?
"Listen, Roddy, in one scene you get to have fake sex with a dirt smeared fertile woman who has been drugged into insensibility by your female superior, while the other chicks look on! It looks nothing like date rape!"
"Later on Roddy, you convince a frog woman that you'll sleep with her if she would just put a bag over her head! Just like you do with all your women now!"
I just can't imagine. The movie HAS a plot, just a tasteless one.
Oh! The plot!
Ignoring the fact that nuclear war would most likely result in total ahnihilation, it is effective as a prod for a story. And I might have been inclined to believe that it would cause mutations, even of the frog variety, but I have a hard time swallowing the fact that people were just turned into these frog monsters. And that the aformentioned frog mutants would congregate in what looks like an old smelting factory. And that the previously alluded to frog creatures would develop an old west style society, with a dash of eastern mistique thrown in (the harem of fertile women) for flavor.
Whatever
Poor Roddy Piper. I wonder if he read the script before he signed up for the film. I mean, who pitched this to him?
"Listen, Roddy, in one scene you get to have fake sex with a dirt smeared fertile woman who has been drugged into insensibility by your female superior, while the other chicks look on! It looks nothing like date rape!"
"Later on Roddy, you convince a frog woman that you'll sleep with her if she would just put a bag over her head! Just like you do with all your women now!"
I just can't imagine. The movie HAS a plot, just a tasteless one.
Some high (or low) points:
- The pink vagina mobile. Women now run the world, to hell with camoflague! We want to drive around in loud pink trucks!
- Dialogue!
"we're gonna get 'em out, and you're gonna get 'em pregnant."
"maybe you oughta try makin love to a complete stranger in the middle of a hostile environment, see how you like it!"
- The silly dance sequence where Hell's handler is "performing" for the leader of the mutant reservation. This is supposed to be erotic, but it just looks like some kind of interpretive dance depicting a dying goose!
- The final battle between Toaty and Hell is so reminiscent of the classic Shatner/Lizard Man fight from the original Star Trek you can't help but laugh.
I first ran into this movie (or rather... it ran into me) on USA's Up All Night. I think I fell asleep then. Now, Up All Night could definately produce an endless supply of blog fodder, with their consistent supply of bad B movies, but this one is near the bottom of the barrell. Having actually watched the thing from beginning to end, I can say that this movie needs to die... but not before you watch the trailer, because everyone deserves a laugh.
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